1. Do a bunch of yoga before you leave your house - a super sun salutation with any extra stuff you know and also a bonus round of lunges / downward dog.
2. Walk to the Capitol Lake Loop. As you get close to the trail, begin humming the ROCKY THEME MUSIC, which is classic. Not Eye of the Tiger, which is hack.
3. The music will make you want to start jogging so go with that feeling. Likewise, if you want to switch from humming to singing the Rocky music, this is the time. Stop running and singing at the base of the switchbacks up to the Capitol.
4. Do a quick sun salutation. More of a sun wave-at-from-bus-window or sun nod-hello-in-silence, really. No extra stuff, just make sure you're still bendy.
5. Do a few burpees if the yoga slowed your heart down too much.
6. Run up the switchbacks at the top speed you can maintain all the way up the hill.
6a. KEEP RUNNING, YOU BUM! IT'S NOT THAT FAR. Knock fatigue back with mental focus and do it like ROCKY. Think about how your friends are counting on you to be strong and GO THE DISTANCE. Think of how cool your town is and how good most of it has been to you and how you're gonna show the rest of it you're NOT A BUM. Is there an Adrian in your life? That is, someone you would holler and holler for over all the reporters and photographers and glory you thought you cared about after Apollo Creed punched you blind in the fifth act? Think about that person. THINK ABOUT THE ROCKY MUSIC but go easy on the singing. And if you're in great difficulty, think about how getting to the top of the hill will destroy the Soviet Union and probably also some other oppressive shit in your world.
6b. YOU'RE NEARLY THERE. IT WOULD BE SO STUPID AND CORNY AND SAD IF YOU GOT THIS CLOSE AND STOPPED SO KEEP GOING KEEP GOING KEEP GOING.
7. Get to the top of the hill. This is not the BIG FIGHT but the third act climax where Rocky proves to himself but not yet the world that he can GO THE DISTANCE. Nonetheless, you made it! Do your stupid little dance. Feel free to yell "DRRAAAAAAGGGGO!!!" if this round was especially satisfying.
8. Do this 2-3 times a week. If you don't live in Olympia then pick a hill that has a symbol of your town at the top of it and RUN UP THAT HILL LIKE ROCKY. If you don't live in a town where you can do yoga in public without people being weird, move to a cooler town.
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